"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
