but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
