I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize