people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
