no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
