No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
my liver is dry heaving
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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