closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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