she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
