where am i from again
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
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Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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