After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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