so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
