I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
