If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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