I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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