so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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