Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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