my mouth tastes like poor choices
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
