I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
