Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
