She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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