So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
