It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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