This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
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She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
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Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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