im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
