i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
