got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
