guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
