Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
3pm strippers are depressing
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
