my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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