There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
