T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
