My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Randomize
