drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
