Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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