he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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