she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
