Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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