Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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