question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
