i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
