I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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