Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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