If i come over, it means nothing
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
