I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
