it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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