Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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