Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
