Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
