you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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