I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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