covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
