youre lurking in front of me
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
