My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
