You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
