Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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