Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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