It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
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And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
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He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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