i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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