we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
