I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
