i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
