is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
