i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
