omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We named our party play list daddy issues
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
